When I was in 2nd grade, I was stuck in a corner for participating too much. This character flaw has followed me all my life. My ex told me people didn’t like me because I shared my thoughts too much, and I just got feedback from my boss about the same thing.
The thing is, I’ve tried to stop my whole life. I only participate maybe 10% of the time, and I generally try to let others speak first unless no one is speaking up. But I’m still getting this feedback. I’m like a bull in a china shop, knocking down everyone no matter how careful I try to be.
The only solution I can come up with is to assume no one wants to hear from me and disengage. Stop caring, stop thinking, and stop participating altogether. I already feel isolated from everyone. This is just making it worse. I think I have to face the fact that I’m not welcome in any degree.
Any other ideas?
That’s your experience. My experience is completely opposite. I’ve always been sure of myself, brave in exposing me, as the author of the topic says. The physical aspect is my handicap, confirmed by my experiences, being obese repels most people, so much as being physically weak, having the crooked teeth, hair or untreated beard. Going beyond the physical aspect is a good thought, but you don’t find it in more than 1 out of 10,000, maybe even 100,000 people.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences, I think that’s very brave of you, and I appreciate that a lot.
I’m not going to invalidate your experience, of course, but it’s not universal. I’m physically disabled and beyond obese, and personally, I feel that the rest of my appearance leaves much to be desired, but I haven’t had big issues with rejection/isolation since I was a teen, I had some personality/behavioural issues which I have overcome quite well imo, and now I’m relatively successful socially, despite my appearance absolutely deteriorating.
Likewise, my experience is not universal, but I believe that your opinion, that your physical appearance is 100% responsible for how people interact with you socially, is completely wrong, and in some ways harmful. It plays a major part, I won’t deny that, but if you’re the most gorgeous person on the planet but have every personality defect known to humankind, I don’t think you’ll experience truly meaningful, long-lasting, loving relationships with others.