• 2 Posts
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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 9th, 2023

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  • It is definitely tough to shed that sense. Growing up knowing I was “weird” and therefore bad (no, it was just undiagnosed autism, but I was an adult before I knew that and that element of myself had long since been solidified) meant that if I wanted people to like me then I had to give more than they did in order to just break even, which is exhausting and unfair, especially since I have a tendency to read neutral expressions as negative ones.

    One thing that has helped me is the realization that that happy feeling I get when someone came to me for help and I helped them? Goes both ways for good people. And it sucks for them, too, if you’re suffering and they could help but you were afraid to ask. Having standards is both a defense of yourself and a means of determining which people should stay prominent in your life.




  • Logically, if he treats the sex worker right, with no demanding, no (non negotiated/sane) violence, and his actions don’t extend into monogamous relationships, and his views on future sexual partners are neither transactional nor cruel, it should be fine.

    Emotionally would likely be a different story for the partner, or at least for me. Partly due to the stigma attached to sex work, and partly due to feelings of inadequacy or worry about needing to perform unwanted acts, and partly due to a suspicion that that really would affect his views, because people’s thoughts and feelings are messy, sprawling things that don’t fit into the mental cabinets we stuff them into. But if the partner couldn’t get over that, then they’re not for him.

    And yes, this applies to women who pay for sex workers, too. Or at least it damn well should.
















  • Forgiving myself for feeling them.

    Realizing that my emotional reaction is 1) human and 2) understandable and 3) a reaction, not an inevitability, can allow me to mentally (and physically, if necessary) step back. A sharp emotion is not yet a sharp word, and my initial reaction to a situation can be both normal and wrong, but I’m not locked in to that initial feeling. I can interpret and interrogate and change my mind.

    It’s hardly easy to do that in high stress situations, but as a general rule it doesn’t help to fight high emotion with another high emotion like shame. Awareness of what causes them, knowing yourself and how you react and nurturing the patience to give yourself time and space to process can go a long way to making you feel less volatile.



  • Well, there’s the obvious will, but since it doesn’t specify how you die: an advanced directive.

    An advanced directive is a document wherein you, while living and conscious and with control of your mental faculties, detail end of life care in the event that you are not capable of providing informed consent. You can detail how much and what kind of resuscitative or palliative efforts are made, assign someone you trust to make medical decisions for you, and what to do with your body.

    DNRs (do not resuscitate, meaning no CPR done on you if your heart stops) are parts of advance directives and if you are serious about one make sure it gets into your medical chart: EMS personnel MUST provide CPR if it isn’t official.

    If your family/friends situation is poor, contentious, and/or you can’t trust them to make the right choices for you medically, this can save you a painful death. Unfortunately, a lot of end of life “care” is the family’s attempt at prolonging the heartbeat of a nearly dead person because they can’t accept loss.

    If your situation is good, it can still be a huge load off people’s minds to know that there’s a plan being followed, and it can prevent any rifts from forming. Even though you won’t see it, it’s a kindness to your loved ones to give them some peace of mind during what is often a chaotic and confusing time.