• It flips;
• it phones.

The Alan Partridge autobiography’s voiced by Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge but I suppose you’d only like it if you’d seen enough Alan Partridge.

Probably because he’s written it in English.

I mix peanut butter with oatmilk and appel syrup and I eat it all up like a dog with two dicks.

Oh wow! How long had you been married to her?

I remember smoking outside a pub near Chinatown with a mate something like ten years ago when two Chinese people went by speaking Chinese, and he said “they should be speaking English; this is Britain,” so I asked why, and he couldn’t explain why. Just on a vague principle.

I assumed it was so thieves couldn’t just root the phone, but I’ve no idea how much difference a week makes in that context.

Ah, I actually use Youtube on a PC, but that is certainly good to know and I’ll try it on the tablet.

I’ve no idea! I just looked up why it wasn’t showing the OEM-unlocking option and it came up with forum posts from years ago saying so. I’ve just set a note in my calendar so I’ll think about it next week, ha.

Never thought I’d read that word on this website!

Hier, Archie! (flauwe woordspeling, excuses)

You’re very lucky to have such friends.

Well I take solace in the fact that I first assumed it was someone else’s doing.

I went to see King Gizzard recently, earplugs in pocket, and I suppose I never found a moment to stick them in, but I was stood near the front the whole time and I came away with absolutely none of the usual hearing damage. I don’t know how they did it, but what a great bunch of lads.

I bought a vintage racer in 2018 with the intention of fixing it up, repainting it, etc, as it had clearly rusty parts and exposed steel, and I ended up not bothering for one reason or another, but it was every bit as zippy and manoeuvrable when I had an accident on it last year that meant I had to chuck it in the tip. I shouldn’t brag or whatever but I remember this little speed counter thing saying I was breaking the limit a few minutes before the crash.

I remember once looking over my sister’s shoulder while she was on MSN messenger and a mutual friend chose that moment to confess (via MSN messenger) that he fucked pillows for practice.

You see these fairly often in Amsterdam; half of them are driven by the elderly and disabled and the other half are driven by burgeoning adult daughters of the rich as some bizarre fashion statement. There’s a local company too called Heen & Weer (which means “there and back” or “back and forth”) who taxi the elderly and disabled in one of these for €1 a go, which is a splendid, splendid idea.

LeechBlock NG!

I’ve got a Firefox extension that blocks websites after an amendable period of time is spent on them, so I limit my time on social media websites to 1 hour a day because I felt I was spending too much time reading mindless drivel, and I often don’t even reach an hour nowadays, having only looked at Lemmy.

The police has been underfunded and understaffed for decades as a result of Thatcherite economics treating public services as businesses and austerity policies, meaning the bar has got quite low for policing standards, making it a breeding ground for abusers with small amounts of power, all the while being too corrupt for any of them to do anything about it.