Solitude.
I appear to have had extraordinarily bad luck in my life, as nearly every significant friend or lover or family I’ve ever had is consistently some.combination of abusive, exploitative, duplicitous, violent, criminal, hypocrite, never willing to hear my side of any story.
Been by myself with a new phone number in a new state for some months now and I’ve never been less stressed out, never felt less burdened, never felt more free.
Took me 35 years to figure out… wait, what if I did what I wanted to do, enjoyed things because I enjoyed them instead of pretending to like some other thing because someone else does, what if I stopped bending over backwards to solve everyone else’s problems when they usually just go out of their way to cause more problems for me, and never give anything meaningful back, and in fact usually blame me for things I have no control over, and then spread unfounded rumors about me due to their own massive neuroticism and guilt complexes?
I am quite happy now. I’ve never needed much to be happy, and nearly no one who has ever claimed to care about me has ever once been able to handle my honest opinions about what they have put me through.
Its been astounding to realize that actually, I make friends quite easily and get along with most people I meet great, whilst everyone I used to know has spent decades convincing me I am an unlikeable asshole who is merely to be tolerated.
I am going through setting strict boundaries and getting those people out of my life right now, so glad you managed the same!
Well, the final straw was when a number of them made me homeless, and the rest were either too busy or too emotionally burdened to help right now.
So after losing all my possessions, losing my job, being homeless for nearly a year, getting the shit kicked out of me regularly by fentanyl addicts uh… well, I should not have survived.
But despite nearly being killed more times than I can count, being held hostage by madman (who the police held for 30 days and then let loose), and witnessing a number of people I’d met along the way die…
It was not exactly easy.
But, by basically dumb luck, I survived.
And, being alive, having not only hit rock bottom, but having been dragged and kicked along its jagged ground… well, now I am free.
It is only after you lose everything, that you are free to do anything.
And for me, that means not having to deal with anyone while I do a whole lot of PT on disability.
Also, I now have a great deal of self confidence, as I am 100% certain any of those dumbfucks would have died going through a tenth of what I went through, yet I persist.
What is pt?
Also, amazing story and glad that you’re doing better
Physical Therapy.
Whole lot of my tendons and muscles got torn, shifted into the wrong places and misused as I had to keep moving with the muscles that were not completely fucked, bones broken, etc.
I still can’t really walk for long periods of time without massive pain, but it is slowly getting better.
Thanks for the well wishes =)
PT stands for “physical therapy.” They’re trying to improve or regain mobility, likely lost due to injury.
A spine. Got tired of doing everything for everyone, so I started setting rules. It’s shifted the energy from physical to social/emotional, but the house is cleaner.
A collection of spines does send a message.
!rimworld@lemmy.world is leaking.
A $1 backscratcher from a local pharmacy. Makes scratching my own back effortless. 10/10 investment. And way more affordable than the full-time backscratching assistant I was paying all those years.
Did you mean assistants? Or were you really surviving on just 40 hours of back scratches in a 168 hour week?
A longer cable for charging my phone
Got rid of (most) social media. Even only reading about its toxicity makes me uncomfortable.
Same here, only LinkedIn is left and that is pretty boring so it doesn’t cost me much time to check. Sometimes there is a hint of FOMO, but in general I’m really glad I’m not comparing myself to fake happy people or being targeted by crappy ads. Also, there’s all the time I get back. I love it.
Electric wheelchair. After my 2nd heart attack, it became harder and harder to do things in the world. Grocery stores were impossible unless they had scooters of their own, which were usually in use or out of service.
Now I just bring my own.
I use a wheelchair part time, and it’s unbelievable how much starting using one can help when you’re partially ambulatory. I find it funny how able bodied people use phrases like “wheelchair bound”, which perpetuates this idea of wheelchairs being like prisons, but at least for me and a few people I know, finally getting a wheelchair was hugely freeing.
Same, I hadn’t really left the house since 2018. Once a week for groceries and prescriptions and that was it.
Jesus, just being able to go to a movie theater was huge.
And do you feel like a king/queen in it?
My sister made stickers for the sides so now it says “Majestic AF”
That’s the most aliexpress wheelchair I’ve ever seen
It works great! 17 mile range, automatically folds and unfolds. Has a remote control.
God damn I can walk perfectly fine but I might have to get one.
PlayStation 3. Yeah, it was a games console, and had lots of awesome games (such as the Uncharted series, LittleBigPlanet, Ratchet and Clank, Journey, Warhawk, I could be here all day), but it was the extra features that really made it appealing in my opinion.
This was the cheapest and best Blu-ray player you could possibly get. It even stores media files on the internal storage, rips CDs too, upscale DVDs to 1080p resolution, not to mention the XrossMediaBar user interface was just so easy to use, and aged quite beautifully. It even has funky themes. It can play your PS1 games (some models can even play PS2 disks, but all models have some PS2 games downloadable from the store), you can manage files on your PSP or Vita. It had remote play, but it was… pretty limited to say the least.
It quite literally only does everything.
Money, makes life easier (as in surplus to your immeadete needs)
I was always frugal and started investing small amounts in the stock market when I was 19 , started reading the financial news when i was 18 and never stopped doing both. Still invest my surplus income now (still live a frugal life) and still read.
Quit work at 35, been mortgage free for decades and am 58 now. Allows me to live where I want, which is a quiet small rural town well away from everyone.
A NAS. Godsent when you’re dealing with multiple machines.
Selfhosted VPN, another godsent for bypassing network restrictions or using public wifi.
Password Manager. I use Bitwarden, which is open source and free.
It’s probably the single most significant quality of life upgrade I’ve had since I started on ADHD meds 5 years ago. I wish I had started using one sooner.
+1 for Bitwarden. My Dad’s password manager actually made taking care of him in the last years of his life alot easier. I essentially had to “wind down” his life (pay bills/debts, close accounts, stop subscriptions, etc), and as his memory was going it would’ve been impossible to get that information from him. With myself too though I’ve got so many dumb accounts all over the place, having a password manager is the only thing keeping me sane half the time when having to log in to everything to pay bills and such.
Forgot this one! Using bitwarden is indeed so much easier and also more secure than tracking password. Truly makes my life easier
No joke, implementing automated MMO style daily quests on my smartphone harnessed my brainrot for productive means. I struggle with depression and ADHD among other things, so before l pretty much never made my bed or worked out, etc. I do all of that consistently now, and I feel all the better for it.
I’ve been looking for a way to invert that and make a number go up instead, and maybe implement gacha, flashing lights and FOMO into my daily routine to really exploit my busted psychology to its maximum.
How do you do that, is there an app?
Plenty, IFTTT for android, Shortcuts for ios.
I’ve got a setup where all reminders with the Daily tag get set to incomplete at 1AM, and all with Weekly tagged get set up on Sunday, etc etc
Cargo e-bike. Errands are fun now and I get way more exercise. It’s hands-down my favorite way to get around town.
I would like one, but I have no space to store it, I live in a two room apartment and the bike storage is only really designed for a normal bike.
I used my normal bike with a bike basket on the parcel holder for shopping, it was brilliant!
No need for a bag, just pack the basket when you have paid, and hook it on the parcel holder.
Sadly I lost my bike during a year when I missed that the bike room was being cleared out and didn’t tag it, so it was thrown out as anandoned, this happened as I had messed up my knee, had double flat feet and double heel spurs.
I now drive my car to the shops bur it’s only one kilometer so it feels a bit dumb, meh I drive on electricity so it could be worse.
Once my situation with my general life stabalize a bit more I’ll looks for a bike.
IMO you only need a cargo bike (i.e. long-tail or box bike) if you’re trying to carry more than one kid. Otherwise, a regular-size bike with a heavy-duty integrated rack should be plenty. They even make some that can carry a lot of weight and fold for easy storage (e.g. this one).
If you occasionally need to carry a lot, cargo trailers are a thing.
Finally setup up my smart home. Lights coming on at dusk across my whole house with varying levels of brightness, from nightlight to lighting up the living room. Shutting down everything in my house and arming my security system all with one phrase. Temp automatically adjusting throughout the day/night for better energy savings. It really just made life a little easier in multiple ways. Especially once you realize there are smart IR blasters.
My Hue system is probably one of the best things I ever bought.
I live alone, in a suburb north of Stockholm, so during winters it get really damned depressing to leave the office after sunset, and then get home and open the front door to a dark hole.
Being able to turn some lights on before I open the door has made wonders for my mental health, it makes it feel as if there is someone at home taking care of it and waiting for you to come home.
Then in the mornings, using the lights in my bedroom as an alarmclock in combination with my phone makes me get up far quicker.
And when I have guests over I can set the mood and make my apartment look cool.
Using smart lights as an alarm clock is a game changer. Fades on 10 minutes before my alarm, and lets me wake up slowly and drift in and out of sleep during that interim period. Only occasionally do I go all the way until my audio alarm, and this way is way more pleasant to wake up to.
Got a dishwasher after I bought my house and it is incredible.
Also got one of those fancy self-scooping litter boxes which is great.
Got my yard fenced in too after I broke my ankle/leg walking my dog and had to have surgery. Now I can just let the dogs out whenever and not have to worry about them running off or me breaking my bones.
Which litterbox did you get? A brand would be appreciated.
Not my comment, but we have a Litter Robot 3 and we love it. Cats like it as the box is always clean, filter does a good job of keeping the smells down… And its easy to repair…
I looked into litter box robots and decided to try a low-tech solution first. I got an Arm & Hammer sifting litter box for under $20.
Basically, you dump the whole litter box into an equal sized sifter, then lift the sifter and give it a little shake, then dump the waste.
I can completely clean each litter box in 10-15 seconds. It’s not fully automatic, but I have no need for a robot anymore.
I got the PetSafe Scoop Free litter box. It’s expensive, as is the refill litter, but it’s so good.
Next up, doggy door.
I’m hesitant with those because I have a gang of crafty raccoons hanging around. The 3 little shits cause so many problems and I don’t wanna wake up to raccoons in my house.
Locking dog doors are available that are opened by a tag on the collar or by your dogs microchip if your dog is chipped. Racoons won’t get in unless they steal your dogs’ collar.
Fair enough.
Electric wire strippers (I do a lot of electronics).
And a low power large work height microscope
